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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates 5 types of consumer goods
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Cars
Use synonyms
,
Books
Use synonyms
, and
Camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 were more
populars
Correct your spelling
popular
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
Use synonyms
France
Change preposition
in France
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the expenditures
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Computers and
Perfume
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
 were higher than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 2010, more than 450,000 British
people
Use synonyms
were spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 their money
for bought
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
cars
Punctuation problem
cars,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 French
people
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
only
collect
Wrong verb form
collected
show examples
 400,00
cars
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 in a single year.
Use synonyms
Books
Fix the agreement mistake
Book
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 400,000 copies,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 100,000 higher than
Use synonyms
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Camera
sales
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
aprroximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 350,000, it more than two times higher
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
Use synonyms
France
Change preposition
of France
show examples
 in 2010.
Although
Linking Words
 French
people
Use synonyms
 had a low consumption
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Cars
Use synonyms
,
Books
Use synonyms
, and Cameras
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 they were more consumptive in Computers and
Perfume
Use synonyms
. Based on the data, Computer
sales
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more than 370,000 units in a single
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
, it more
higher
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with only 350,000 units
Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, 200,000
Use synonyms
Perfume
Fix the agreement mistake
perfumes
show examples
sold
Verb problem
were sold
show examples
 in
France
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 than 150,000 British
people
Use synonyms
 acquired
Use synonyms
perfume
Fix the agreement mistake
perfumes
show examples
 in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, uk, cars, books, perfume, people, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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