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Band 2.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, more people move out
from
Change preposition
of
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 their family house for work. Moving out to another country has some
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantages
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 finding a good job and
to be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 independent.
Altho
Use the right word
Although
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it could have some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
There are some
pro
Fix the agreement mistake
pros
show examples
 for moving out of your home for another
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
.
First,
Linking Words
when the
indevidual livies
Correct your spelling
individual lives
alone
Punctuation problem
alone,
show examples
 he could be more
responsiable
Correct your spelling
responsible
.
For example
Linking Words
, he will have his own salary and apartment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he should take care of it and use it
wisly
Correct your spelling
wisely
.
Body paragraph 2
Second,
Linking Words
he might have a lot of
fredom
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freedom
 and he can
experince
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experience
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new things and learn about
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 cultures. Like creating friendships.
Body paragraph 3
Third,
Linking Words
sometimes you can not
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 a career in your own country
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 you need to search for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs in
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 countries.
Also
Linking Words
, it might be a good chance to find a place that
suit
Correct subject-verb agreement
suits
show examples
 your dreams.
Body paragraph 4
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it could have disadvantages. The
personilaty
Correct your spelling
personality
 could affect
this
Linking Words
 in a bad way.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the person is shy and
dose
Use the right word
does
show examples
 not
go
Verb problem
adapt
show examples
 well fast with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 environment
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
it might lead to
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact. The person could have
home sickness
Use the right word
homesickness
show examples
 and
deperssion
Correct your spelling
depression
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, leaving your home to another
countery
Correct your spelling
country
 has its own advantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as becoming more
responsiable
Correct your spelling
responsible
 and
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
show examples
 on yourself. It could have its drawbacks
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
show examples
 based on the person. The positive side
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the
neagtive
Correct your spelling
negative
 side.

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grammar
Fix many wrong spell and word form. Use simple base words.
coherence
Use linking words to show place, time, and reason. It helps flow.
structure
State one clear idea in each paragraph. Then add a small detail or example.
content
Give more detail for each idea. Use real example.
lexical
Check spelling of common words and keep to easy words.
structure
The essay tries to show both good and bad sides.
content
It has a short conclusion.
content
It keeps simple idea about moving for work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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