IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

The story of activation is best seen in Figures 1 and 2. Figure 1 clearly tells us that mixing purified αq with AlF4- and a brain enzyme caused a sharp rise in InsP3.
This
Linking Words
 shows that the purified αq is enough to activate the target enzyme PLC.
This
Linking Words
 activated αq
then
Linking Words
 worked
together with
Linking Words
 phospholipase C, causing a clear rise in IP3.
This
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 clearly proved that activating phospholipase C was αq’s unique role.
Authors
Correct article usage
The authors
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says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
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 that “when we used in the same assay, neither purified βγ subunits
or
Correct word choice
nor
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 the … affected the activity of PI-PLC”. Figure 2 looks at calcium’s role, showing that αq worked at every concentration tested. Most notably, it changed the enzyme’s calcium sensitivity, shifting its affinity from ~ 1 μM to 0.1 μM.
This
Linking Words
 suggests that αq doesn’t just amplify the signal
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
instead
Punctuation problem
instead,
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 it refines the sensitivity of the system, making the intrinsic activity of PLC more potent.

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task response
Task response: the paragraph does not show a clear task. Add an opening line that states the aim and a closing line that sum up what is found.
task response
Task response: give more full ideas about the topic. Make the main idea clear and link it to the aim.
coherence
Coherence: the order of ideas is not very clear. Use steps like 'first', 'then', 'finally' to show the process.
coherence
Coherence: use simple link words to join sentences, such as 'and', 'but', 'so', 'therefore'.
evidence
Clear use of data from Figures 1 and 2 to back up points.
structure
Sentences show cause and effect well in parts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subsidized membership
  • physical activity
  • energy levels
  • employee productivity
  • work performance
  • sick leaves
  • healthier lifestyle
  • absenteeism
  • employee morale
  • workplace environment
  • employee retention
  • corporate image
  • branding
  • health and wellness benefits
  • top talent
  • healthcare costs
  • medical intervention
  • lack of usage
  • underutilization
  • alternative wellness programs
  • mental health resources
  • flexible working hours
  • professional development
  • individual responsibility
  • corporate responsibility
What to do next:
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