IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The manner of international travel has long been debated. Some argue that it is necessary for
visitors
Use synonyms
 to follow the customs,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that embracing cultural diversity is crucial. I will examine both sides and conclude
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, the insistence on acquiring local
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 is to protect the needs of social harmony and cultural preservation. If tourists disregard local taboos, they might cause social anxiety and detrimental effects on the local environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
visitors
Use synonyms
 insist
to
Change preposition
on
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 drinking on the road where it is prohibited,
this
Linking Words
 will result in an
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
in
Change preposition
against
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 regulations.
Besides
Linking Words
, the preservation of local culture highlights one country’s
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
 when
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, so it is better for
visitors
Use synonyms
 to follow local customs to have an unforgettable experience.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who believe the host country should embrace foreign tourists
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
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 the importance of cultural exchange. When
visitors
Use synonyms
 bring their habits to a new continent, a diverse background enables them to exchange and understand the differences in their culture.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 exchange comes with an increase in the economy. Tourism contributes a large percentage to GDP in many countries, including developing and developed ones. So, having more
visitors
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to most countries. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the social and economic pros are clear, fundamental concerns in preserving local harmony and laws are non-negotiable. The host country should find a balance between the two and try to
maximize
Change the spelling
maximise
show examples
 its benefits.

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task
State your own view clearly in the body too, not only in the end.
task
Add more clear examples to back each idea.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words. Use first, also, but, then to show how ideas go.
coherence
Keep one idea in each paragraph and end with a small link to the next idea.
language
Fix small grammar: say 'insist on drinking' not 'insist to drinking'; 'drinking in places where it is allowed' and similar.
strength
Clear plan at the start and a wrap up at the end.
strength
Shows two sides of the issue, not just one.
strength
Uses 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show balance.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural understanding
  • cultural harmony
  • local customs and behaviours
  • host country's traditions
  • unintentional offense
  • enhance the travel experience
  • cultural fabric
  • inclusive society
  • diverse society
  • global understanding
  • mutual respect
  • respect for local customs
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