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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of international applicants from four countries that a European university had from 2004 – 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of international applicants from four countries that a European university had from 2004 – 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates the number of international applicants among four countries-
China
Use synonyms
,
Japan
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,
America
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 and Russia- in
European
Correct article usage
the European
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 University between 2004 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
America
Use synonyms
 represented an increased figure,
while
Linking Words
China
Use synonyms
 dropped dramatically throughout the period.
However
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 rose gradually. Another noticeable trend is that Russia displays moderate growth with minor fluctuation. In terms of
America
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 and
Japan
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,
America
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 fluctuated between 2004 and 2007,
while
Linking Words
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 sharply from 20000
students
Use synonyms
 to 10000
students
Use synonyms
, secured the top position
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, it peaked at approximately 28000
students
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 followed an upward trajectory, with 5000
students
Use synonyms
 to 10000
students
Use synonyms
, between 2004 and 2008. As for
China
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 and Russia,
China
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 fell slightly from around 28000
students
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 to 15000
students
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 between 2004 and 2008.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Russia remained the least contributor throughout the period
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 around 1000
students
Use synonyms
 to approximately 3000
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words china, japan, america, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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