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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram shows the different stages in the production of lead. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows the different stages in the production of lead. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
process
Use synonyms
 diagram illustrates the sequence of stages involved in the production of
lead
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
process
Use synonyms
 of producing
lead
Use synonyms
 involves 8 stages, starting from extracting rock from the ground and ending with forming
into
Correct pronoun usage
it into
show examples
 shape. At the beginning of the
process
Use synonyms
, the
lead
Use synonyms
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with other
elements
Punctuation problem
elements,
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 excavated and delivered to the factory by special lorries. As minerals are taken to the manufacturing, every element is crushed with
supplement
Fix the agreement mistake
supplements
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as water, making
well-prepared
Correct pronoun usage
it well-prepared
show examples
 for filtering. After crushing, the particles are poured into a large tank,
water
Correct word choice
and water
show examples
 and pine oil are
also
Linking Words
 added in order to filter them.
Then
Linking Words
mixture
Correct article usage
the mixture
show examples
 is delivered to the cleaning
process
Use synonyms
 so called refining, to remove unnecessary waste from the
lead
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
show examples
 refined
lead
Use synonyms
 is processed at a high temperature , approximately 1400 degrees. Having refined the
lead
Use synonyms
 mixture, the
lead
Use synonyms
 is separated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 other metals are thrown
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 special place and
Use synonyms
lead
Correct article usage
the lead
show examples
 itself.
At the end
Linking Words
,
lead
Use synonyms
 is cast into moulds

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, lead with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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