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Band 4

Methods of transporation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009 in the UK. The two pie charts compare five categories of UK travelling percentage of university (train, bicycle, bus, walking, car,) from 2004 to 2009) Units are measured in proportion. af

Methods of transporation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009 in the UK. The two pie charts compare five categories of UK travelling percentage of university (train, bicycle, bus, walking, car,) from 2004 to 2009) Units are measured in proportion. af
The bar chart outlines
,
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apply
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 and compares the methods of transportation for
people
Use synonyms
 travelling to universities for their work or education. The data
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 compares five categories of
travel
Use synonyms
 between the years 2004 & 2009. In 2004, the most
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
way
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 to
travel
Use synonyms
 in the UK was by a personal vehicle, with 51% of
people
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 using the specific mode of transport. But in 2009, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
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 fall in the dominance of car
travel
Use synonyms
 by 23%, with only 28% of the population using an automobile to
travel
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.
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Busses
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Buses
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 were the second most popular
way
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 to
travel
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,
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 by over 33% of the
people
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 in 2004, it now takes the lion's share of the market with 46% of the
communters
Correct your spelling
commuters
 preferring
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busses
Use the right word
buses
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 to commute to their universities. The third most
convinent
Correct your spelling
convenient
way
Use synonyms
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 was by
Use synonyms
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
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.
While
Linking Words
 only 9% of the
people
Use synonyms
 used
bicycle
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bicycles
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 to
travel
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,
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 popularity slowly grew
across
Change preposition
over
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 the years.
Now
Punctuation problem
Now,
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 16% of the travellers use and prefer their
bicycles
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 to commute for work and studies. The least popular
way
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 to
travel
Use synonyms
 is still walking and taking the trains.
While
Linking Words
 in 2004 only 3% and 4% prefered trains and walking respectively; in 2004, it slowly creeped up to 4% and 6% in the year 2009.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
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busses
Use the right word
buses
show examples
,
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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, and
bicycles
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 hold a dominant share in the market for the
way
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 to
travel
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, with
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busses
Use the right word
buses
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 and
bicycles
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 slowly eating into the
car dominant
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car-dominant
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 market of 2004
, cars
Punctuation problem
. Cars
show examples
 have seen a slow but gradual decline in commute preferences. Trains and walking are still the least popular, but are slowly gaining traction with minor improvements across the two years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, travel, way, busses, bicycles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • travel
  • transport
  • people
  • university
  • work
  • study
  • year
  • 2004
  • 2009
  • train
  • bicycle
  • bike
  • bus
  • walk
  • walking
  • car
  • share
  • part
  • rise
  • fall
  • increase
  • decrease
  • change
  • trend
  • describe
  • compare
  • year by year
  • overall
  • which
  • more
  • less
  • most
  • least
  • reason
  • cause
  • cost
  • time
  • convenience
  • parking
  • cycle lane
  • policy
  • city
  • weather
  • therefore
  • however
  • also
  • but
  • and
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