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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009.
The line graph illustrates the changes in the
employment
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 rates of
women
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 aged 15 to 62 in five different countries-Iceland, Canada, Chile and
Turkey
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 from 2003 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, Iceland had the highest proportion of working
women
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 throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
Turkey
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 had the lowest.
Employment
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 rates for
women
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most countries showed an upward trend. Iceland's
employment
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rate
Use synonyms
 for
women
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 began at about 80% and fell slightly to just below 80% by the end of the period. Canada's
employment
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rate
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 for
women
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 remained stable from 2003 to 2009. In 2003, Germany's
rate
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,
however
Linking Words
, was just about 60% and it continued to rise steadily, reaching over 65% by 2009. Chile and
Turkey
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 started at much lower levels. Chile's
rate
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 grew from around 35% to just over 40%,
while
Linking Words
Turkey
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's
rate
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, though the lowest of all, increased from roughly 20% to nearly 25% over the six years. In summary,
while
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
women'
Check wording
women
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s
Correct your spelling
's
employment
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 rates generally improved in
the
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apply
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most of the selected countries over the given period, significant disparities remained between nations like Iceland and
Turkey
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, women, turkey, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • employment
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • fluctuation
  • analyze
  • overall
  • compare
  • implications
  • workforce
  • ages 15-64
  • data
  • rate
  • yearly changes
  • significant
  • stability
  • roles
  • factors
  • influenced
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