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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures fromAustralia and Japan in the years 1994 -2004

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures fromAustralia and Japan in the years 1994 -2004
These two line charts illustrate the figures which imported from
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 between 1994 and 2004 to New Zealand.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Australia
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 showed an upward trend and reached a peak in 2004,
while
Linking Words
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 showed a slight decline and
touch
Wrong verb form
touched
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 round in the end
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 all data were unstable at times. In terms of the New Zealand
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Australia
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, the figure started at around 4000
million
Use synonyms
 in
1994
Punctuation problem
1994,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 showed an increase to 6500
million
Use synonyms
 until 1996.
During
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1999 to 2000, the
imports
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 had a dramatic rise and reached approximately 7500
million
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 after a previous drop. In 1994,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
Zealand
Check wording
Zealand's
show examples
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
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 had a figure at 3000
million
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 and increased slowly to about 6500
million
Use synonyms
 in 1997.
Imports
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 from
Japan
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 had a sharp decrease from 2000 to 2004 and
finally
Linking Words
 got a number at 2000
million
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. Both
imports
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 from
Australia
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 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 decreased in 1999 and 2001.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, japan, imports, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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