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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the distribution of employment among agriculture, industries and services in three countries in 1980 and projected distribution in 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the distribution of employment among agriculture, industries and services in three countries in 1980 and projected distribution in 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The charts illustrate the development of
employed
Replace the word
employment
show examples
 distribution from three different nations among three types of
industry
Use synonyms
,
agriculture
Use synonyms
,
industry
Use synonyms
,
service
Correct word choice
and service
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, respectively
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 1980 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
 B’s
agriculture
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 was not only higher than other career figures in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 place, but
also
Linking Words
 higher than other nations’
agriculture
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 during these two years. The
industry
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
in1980
Correct your spelling
in 1980
 in
country
Use synonyms
a
Fix capitalization
A
show examples
 was the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time better than other jobs in these charts. Except the
country
Use synonyms
 B, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
employees
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 services
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 mostly higher than
Use synonyms
agriculture’s
Check wording
agriculture
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
industry’s figures
Check wording
industry
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and C. Examining the details, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of services
employees
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 C were always
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place, around 68 in 1980 and 75 in 2020. The data
of remain
Change preposition
on remaining
show examples
 jobs were dramatically lower than
services’
Check wording
services
show examples
, especially the
employees
Use synonyms
 in the
agriculture
Use synonyms
 field, reaching not even 10 in 1980 and slightly dropped in 2020. The similar pattern of
industry
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 c, obtaining around 25 in 1980 and down to 20 in 2020. In
country
Use synonyms
 A , the figure of service
employment
Use synonyms
 had experienced a significant increase
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it was approximately 35 in 1980 and
then
Linking Words
climbing
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
 to 55 in 2020. In
this
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 , the
calculation
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and
industry
Use synonyms
employees
Use synonyms
 both declined during these two years. The
agriculture
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 dropped from about 20 to 18
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 decreased from around 45 to 30.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
industry
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 B was different from other nations. It solely increased from 20 to 30.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words industry, agriculture, country, employment, employees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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