IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all students should be required to study art and music in school. Others believe that it is not as important as other subjects like science and mathematics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While
Linking Words
 some people argue that
art
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 and
music
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not as important as other subjects to be required to study at school, I tend to disagree with
this
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 point of view. There is no doubt that subjects like
science
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 and mathematics do play a important role during the process of helping youngs with logical and thinking formality, grow the seed in their heart to look at the world in a scientific way, because nowadays with the significant development in technologies like AIs and algorithms, it is highly considered to bring up more potential geniuses in order to lead the advance of
science
Use synonyms
 in the future.
However
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, with the high level of technologies, there
ineed
Correct your spelling
indeed
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art
Check wording
apply
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is an indispensable part of human
livings
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living
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, and that's what distinguishes us and machines. Some parents may argue that it is totally a waste of time to study something that won't be taken
account
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into account
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 in SAT, it
neither
Rephrase
apply
show examples
necessary to spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty of time learning something that can be
leart
Correct your spelling
learned
 in daily
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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. There is no doubt that
everyday's
Check wording
everyday
show examples
 contact with
art
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 and
music
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weights
Use the right word
weighs
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 more than in school hours, but with an experienced teacher using
systemetic
Correct your spelling
systematic
 educational approaches aids to explore the unknown of the vast.
Thus
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, but we are not living for exams. The
art
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 and
music
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 education is
a
Correct article usage
an
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 efficient way for students to accumulate aesthetics, it seems the exact opposite of
science
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it is a
complementary
Replace the word
complement
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 that allows to bring children the
ifinity
Correct your spelling
infinity
 of imagination
and
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, and
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, for them
studying
Punctuation problem
, studying
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 is not only consists ice cold formulas but
also
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 the
briliance
Correct your spelling
brilliance
 of human nature towards
to
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apply
show examples
beauty.
On the other hand
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,
reserches
Correct your spelling
research
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 that studying
art
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 and
music
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 has an
unignorante
Correct your spelling
unignorant
 effect on activating
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 side brain. The balance of both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 makes an
individual
Check wording
individual's
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 comprehensive development. As a conclusion, it is equally important to require students to learn both subjects as math and
science
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 and
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan what you will say first. Start with your view, then add why you think this, then end with a short wrap.
language
Use simple words. Short sent, clear message.
organization
Put one main idea in each paragraph and make it fit your view.
accuracy
Check the form and help with wrong or wrong use of words.
content
You show a clear view that art and music can stand with science.
argument
Some good points on how art and music can help a person

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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