IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart shows the
rate
Use synonyms
 of part-time employees in four parts of the UK from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, except for the
workers
Use synonyms
 of Northern Ireland, all the people of other countries have shown a rise in their work
rate
Use synonyms
 as time continues.
Also
Linking Words
, Wales and
England
Use synonyms
 have the most active part-time
workers
Use synonyms
 in both eras. The graph shows that in 1980, nearly 25% of people worked part-time in
England
Use synonyms
, but the Whales workforce was about 8% higher than in
England
Use synonyms
. After 30 years,
England
Use synonyms
 showed a more significant rise in the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
workers
Use synonyms
 than that in
Whales
Use the right word
Wales
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 percentage of employees in 2010 was still higher in Wales.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Scotland has the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of part-time
workers
Use synonyms
, just about 11%,
while
Linking Words
 Northern Ireland exceeds that in the starting year. As time passes, the percentage of
workers
Use synonyms
 decreases in Northern Ireland,
while
Linking Words
in contrast
Linking Words
, it increases twice as much as in 1980 in Scotland.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, workers, england with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: