IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Traffic congestion and housing problems in larger cities could be solved by moving large industries and factories and their employees to the rural areas. What extent do you agree or disagree ?

While
Linking Words
 I agree that big factories
moved
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 to
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 would help
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with traffic and housing,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I do not think it
fix
Verb problem
will fix
show examples
 all the problems faced. Moving industries to rural
areas
Use synonyms
 would help reduce
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of cars in the
cities
Use synonyms
, making traffic jams less.
Also
Linking Words
, there would be spaces for homes to be built because
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of people would migrate out of the city
due to
Linking Words
 the location of their jobs. There would be more job opportunities for people living in the countryside
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to reduced levels of
employment
Use the right word
unemployment
show examples
rate
Check wording
apply
show examples
in the community.
For example
Linking Words
, most refineries in Nigeria are built in the
outskirt
Fix the agreement mistake
outskirts
show examples
 of the
cities
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has helped in the development of many underdeveloped
areas
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, people prefer staying in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 because all the basic amenities are available there, and
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 ,
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of workers might not want to move out, making it difficult for firms to get access to skilled workers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they would
also
Linking Words
 lose a big market. High cost and time to move is another factor why so many individuals would rather stay where they are.
For example
Linking Words
, the
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 would not be comfortable for workers because of the lifestyle they are used to. There are ways in which
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems can be solved;
This
Linking Words
 includes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 improving the city transport and building more homes in
cities
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 is only possible with the careful planning and support of the government. In conclusion, the challenges faced in the
cities
Use synonyms
 would not only improve if companies are transferred to
outskirts
Correct article usage
the outskirts
show examples
 of the city, but
also
Linking Words
involvement
Correct article usage
the involvement
show examples
 of governments in improving infrastructures.

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structure
Your view is not very clear at the end. State if you agree or not in a clear line, then add points.
language
Fix small grammar and spelling. Use simpler words and avoid long sentences.
examples
Give at least two clear examples and say how they help your point.
structure
Plan before you write. Put intro, two body parts with one good idea each, and a short conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence
Use link words to show how ideas fit. E.g. but, also, however, for this reason.
content
The writer tries to weigh both sides and shows some balance.
content
There is a Nigeria example to back up a point.
language
Some linking words are used to show contrast and example.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • city
  • country
  • rural
  • traffic
  • housing
  • factories
  • industry
  • workers
  • move
  • jobs
  • costs
  • benefits
  • problems
  • transport
  • roads
  • trains
  • buses
  • homes
  • space
  • planning
  • government
  • business
  • skills
  • training
  • remote work
  • online work
  • supply chain
  • growth
  • economy
  • environment
  • quality of life
What to do next:
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