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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that renewable energy sources like solar and wind power should replace fossil fuels such as coal and gas as soon as possible. Others think we should continue to use fossil fuels while it is still cheap to do so. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Apart from traditional
sources
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 of
energy
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,
such
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 as fossil
fuels
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 like natural gas and coal, producing
energy
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 from renewable
sources
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 has been increasingly popular. Some people support the idea of replacing fossil
fuels
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 with renewable
energy
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sources
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 in
power
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generation
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,
while
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 some think fossil
fuels
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 should remain in
use
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.
This
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 essay believes that the increased usage of renewable
energy
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 can benefit public
health
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, but it is worth considering that fossil
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fuels
Fix the agreement mistake
fuel
show examples
power
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 cheaper and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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higher accessibility. One of the advantages of replacing fossil
fuels
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 with renewable
sources
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 in
power
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generation
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 is that the
overall
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health
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 of citizens can be enhanced. In the
power
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generation
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 process of fossil
fuels
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, materials like
coals
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coal
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 are burned, which
produced
Wrong verb form
produces
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 a lot of toxic chemicals. They will be
exhalted
Correct your spelling
exposed
 directly,
Meaning
Fix capitalization
meaning
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 that the air that everyone is breathing is mixed with
such
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 chemicals, eventually exposing themselves
into
Change preposition
to
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 higher risks of suffering from lung diseases
such
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 as lung cancer. By using renewable
energy
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sources
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, no toxic chemicals will be made in the entire
power
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generation
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 process,
hence
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 the risk of increased chance of suffering from lung diseases is lowered, which would improve the
overall
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health
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 condition of the public.
For instance
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, the
generation
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 of wind
power
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 is done by basically transforming motor
energy
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 to
power
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, implying that no waste and
pollutions
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pollution
show examples
 would be generated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
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 can be protected.
Nevertheless
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, fossil
fuels
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 have
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 own advantages since
power
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 generated with them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 generally cheaper and more accessible than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
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 made with renewable
energy
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sources
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. St
major
Correct article usage
the major
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energy
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 stores for more than a century, it is
undoubtable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
that's
Verb problem
that
show examples
 the
power
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generation
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 process of fossil
fuels
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 is highly mature and developed,
hence
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 the cost is affordable for most families,
therefore
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 many people have access to electricity generated by fossil
fuels
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. Renewable
energy
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,
however
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, is still under development.
As a result
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, installing
such
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 facilities is far more expensive than directly using fossil
fuels
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. To exemplify, installing solar panels on the rooftop of
citizen’s
Correct article usage
a citizen’s
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 home costs hundreds of thousands of US dollars, which is often considered unworthy among households
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they would rather
use
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 their substitutes - fossil
fuels
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.
Therefore
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, the high costs of using renewable
energy
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considered a problem. In conclusion, the
use
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 of renewable
energy
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 improves
overall
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 air quality, but using fossil
fuels
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 is more economical. Considering both sides of
Correct article usage
the arguments
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arguments
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argument
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, I believe renewable
energy
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 should replace
those
Correct determiner usage
that
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 generated by fossil
fuels
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 in the future. It is hoped that the government can encourage
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
use
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by providing subsidies to local households or companies, in order to support the replacement of
power
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sources
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.

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structure
Use a clear plan: three parts - view for, view against, your own view.
coherence
Keep one main idea per paragraph and use linking words to join them.
content
Give small real examples that are easy to see.
language
Check spelling and grammar so the reader does not get lost.
content
The essay gives both sides and has a clear final view.
coherence
It shows a use of simple facts to argue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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