IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people belive that the fast pace and stress of the modern life is having a negative effect on families. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

There is currently a contentious argument over the modern life
that is
Linking Words
 fast-paced
Punctuation problem
, long
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long
Use the right word
along
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 with stress, which creates a negative effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal lives. I totally agree with
this
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 opinion because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there is no balance between work and family, which leads to frustration. The main reason why I believe
this
Linking Words
contempory
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 lifestyle has an adverse effect is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 there is an imbalance between personal life and professional life.
People
Use synonyms
 always run behind money
forgetting
Punctuation problem
, forgetting
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 about the leisure time with their loved ones.
For instance
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, taking
such
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 role models, students
persuing
Use the right word
pursuing
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 their studies do part-time jobs seriously,
consequently
Linking Words
 lowering their grades and
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to depression. Another reason why
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 support the notion that present-day society
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 detrimental effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
's well-being is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
lesser
Correct word choice
apply
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the free time morer the mental pressure. More
people
Use synonyms
 tend to isolate themselves from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
due to
Linking Words
 social anxiety,
hence
Linking Words
, causing health issues
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 and depression.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour not only affects the self but
also
Linking Words
 their family and close ones.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it builds up the pressure on their children
Punctuation problem
, having
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having
Verb problem
making them
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 a unloved
feeling
Check wording
apply
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. In conclusion, I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree that the lifestyle of
present
Correct article usage
the present
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 century causes
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 effect on
people
Use synonyms
's well-being because of
overworked
Verb problem
being overworked
show examples
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 missing out
family
Change preposition
on family
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 time.
Also
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, the constant pressure of the fast-paced negatively
imapacts
Correct your spelling
impacts
 one's health. Given
this
Linking Words
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
, it seems that, though the world is moving
yowards
Correct your spelling
towards
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
, the government and the companies should promote work-life balance, resulting in
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.

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structure
Make a simple plan before you write. One intro, two or three body para, and one short conclusion.
organization
Stick to one main idea in each paragraph. Use clear topic sentences.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas (for example: also, but, so, however, in addition).
language
Check grammar and spell wrong words. Use easy grammar and avoid long, comma heavy sentences.
content
Give real examples that show the idea. Make sure facts are clear and easy to see.
content
The writer shows a clear view of the topic and is sure in the end.
structure
The essay has an intro and a closing line.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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