IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the Summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

In
this
Linking Words
 digitalised era, in every country where governments announce
holidays
Use synonyms
 for
students
Use synonyms
 in every
education
Use synonyms
 sector. Vacation is held by the
education
Use synonyms
 department in the
summer
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 in other seasons like autumn,spring and winter.
Although
Linking Words
 temperature percentage is considered different in every country but in most of them the climate rises more particularly in
summer
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 a recent survey, world news
claims
Verb problem
reports
show examples
 that in more than seventy countries
temperature
Correct article usage
the temperature
show examples
 almost risen to almost 43 °C. So from my perspective, it can help
students
Use synonyms
 to be safe from varicella disease.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can be enjoyable with families
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different ways , like a trip to amazing countries like Western Italy. northern areas ot Pakistan and east of New Zealand.
According to
Linking Words
 the first statement, many sectors of the
education
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 department , like schools, colleges and universities, remain closed in
summer
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 for more than two months or three. Particularly
these
Punctuation problem
, these
show examples
holidays
Use synonyms
for
Verb problem
are for
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to enjoy their life with family.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, during the
summer
Use synonyms
 , children like to travel around the world because
this
Linking Words
 time is for rest and enjoyment for them. These
holidays
Use synonyms
 play a pivotal role in their mental health , and it is a fundamental right. In recent years, scientists claim that enjoying time on
holidays
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 with family broadens their mind as well physical state of
students
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is because the dangerous rays of
summer
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the cause of various diseases on human skin
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 for the youth.
So
Punctuation problem
So,
show examples
 governments of every country decided to do what they needed to save human bodies from
this
Linking Words
 chaos in
Use synonyms
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
.
Last
Linking Words
 year , atjuly many cases of skin cancer were reported in adults aged between age from 15 to 18 by the Punjab College Sialkot , which is situated in Pakistan.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some people believe that
this
Linking Words
 time is efficient to alleviate the waves of
summer
Use synonyms
 climate, others argue that to reduce vacation. Because they considered that it leads their children frequently towards laziness. So
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take action against the
education
Use synonyms
 departments to reduce
holidays
Use synonyms
. Some parents are strict with their children because they want to see them become proficient in their careers.

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task response
Plan your essay. State your view at once. Then give two clear reasons for and two for against. End with a short, clear conclusion.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one idea. Start with a clear sentence about the idea. Use small link words to move on.
idea
The writer tries to talk about health and safety of summer holidays.
structure
There is some order with words like first, second, last.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
What to do next:
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