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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts show the production, consumption of coffee and where the profit goes around the world.

The three pie charts show the production, consumption of coffee and where the profit goes around the world.
The figure above illustrates the consumption,
production
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, and
profit
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 distribution of coffee around the world in three
seperate
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separate
color-coded
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colour-coded
show examples
 pie charts. The
overall
Linking Words
 view shows that America has the
second highest
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second-highest
show examples
 consumption
rate
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 only 2% less than
Europe
Punctuation problem
Europe,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 came in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place. Regarding coffee industries, South Africa had a significantly higher
rate
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 of
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coffe
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coffee
production
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, reaching nearly half of the
world
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world's
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production
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the delivary
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delivary
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delivery
 sector had the
hight
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highest
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precentage
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percentage
 of
profit
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 with 51%. When comparing
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coffe consuption
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coffee consumption
 worldwide to
Erurope
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Europe
, America, and Japan, we find that it is
obviosuly
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obviously
 less than the former two but more than the latter.
interestingly
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Interestingly
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, Japan produces 10% higher amount of the
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coffe
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coffee
 it consumes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, East Asian
contries
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countries
 had the lead in the
production
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 industry with
Indonisia
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Indonesia
,
Jpana
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Japan
, and Vietnam making 56% of the total
worlwide
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worldwide
production
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rate
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 combined. Regarding
profit
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 distribution, producers alongside exporters had a total of 25% of
profit
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 distribution. Nearly similar to
retailers
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the retailers
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 sector alone. Which had twice the
profit
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rate
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 as each one of them
seperatly
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separately
. In
conclusin
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conclusion
, East asian
contries
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countries
 combined had the
hgihest
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highest
 exporting
rate
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 of
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coffe
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coffee
 to the rest of the world. America and Europe had the largest
consuption
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consumption
rate
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 with 80%. The
delivary
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delivery
 sector had the largest
overall
Linking Words
profit
Use synonyms
rate
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words production, profit, rate, coffe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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