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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Completing university education is thought by some people to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Nowadays,it is important to be educated and get a
job
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,some people
arguing about
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that finishing
university
Use synonyms
 education
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best way to get a
job
Use synonyms
.Other
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
 think that having soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and flexibility is much important.I
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that both
university
Use synonyms
 education and soft
skills
Use synonyms
 have a role.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 it
is depending
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on the
job
Use synonyms
Firstly
Linking Words
,a lot of
graduated
Replace the word
graduates
show examples
Use synonyms
students get
Verb problem
go
show examples
 a
university
Use synonyms
 as they find it one of the steps towards their future.After deciding their
futere
Correct your spelling
future
major
Punctuation problem
major,
show examples
 they start
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
 gives to learner knowledge and
formal
Correct article usage
a formal
show examples
 degree.There are numerous
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 teach
specialization
Change the spelling
specialisation
show examples
,discipline.
Besides
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will gain a
comprehansive awarenes
Correct your spelling
comprehensive awareness
 of internships.The internship represents an opportunity to help
students
Use synonyms
 develop personal,
professsional
Correct your spelling
professional
,and academic goals.
Thereafter
Linking Words
graduating
Punctuation problem
, graduating
show examples
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 can build their career and
more
Verb problem
have more
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 options.
However
Linking Words
,there is a nuance that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it harder for
graduetes
Correct your spelling
graduates
 is no guarantee of
work
Use synonyms
.You might
graduated
Verb problem
have graduated
show examples
 and might have a diploma
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
there is no guarantee
finding
Change preposition
of finding
show examples
 effort.It is a big problem
Secendly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
,it is
also
Linking Words
 significant
having
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and on-the-
job
Use synonyms
 training
matter
Check wording
apply
show examples
.To
work
Use synonyms
 in
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
company
Punctuation problem
company,
show examples
 you need to have aptitudes
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
,
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
show examples
,teamwork,problem solving,adaptability,and the important one,
work
Use synonyms
 experience.Because,when you want to get a
job
Use synonyms
 in
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
office
Punctuation problem
office,
show examples
 the first thing
Correct article usage
the adminstration
show examples
adminstration
Correct your spelling
administration
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
show examples
 is your
work
Use synonyms
 experience.As i mentioned earlier some graduates can not find a
job
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 the have diploma.It is because lack of
work
Use synonyms
 expertise.
This
Linking Words
 is why soft
skills
Use synonyms
 matter.
However
Linking Words
,some jobs need formal knowledge and certificates.You must have
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
 and education
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 sphere. In conclusion,it is essential for most people to be highly educated and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 good
skills
Use synonyms
.To get a remunerative
job
Use synonyms
 and to avoid being
unemployed
Punctuation problem
unemployed,
show examples
 you need to gain both knowledge and experience.Only
then
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
you can
Correct word order
can you
show examples
 be
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
.

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planning
Make a plan before you write. Start with a short intro, then 2–3 points, and end with your view.
organization
Put each idea in its own paragraph. Use a new paragraph for a new point.
grammar
Check spell and grammar. use simple words.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas. Use 'first', 'also', 'but', 'then', 'for example'.
structure
The essay shows both sides and ends with a clear view.
content
There is a main idea in each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • degree
  • job
  • work
  • skill
  • soft skill
  • talk
  • listen
  • teamwork
  • problem solving
  • adapt
  • flexible
  • learn
  • knowledge
  • training
  • practice
  • internship
  • salary
  • company
  • career
  • field
  • plan
  • evidence
  • money
  • time
  • chance
  • qualification
  • network
  • experience
  • education
  • university
  • school
  • future
  • life long learning
  • path
  • opportunity
  • growth
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