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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table reveals the number of newborns to women aged 40 -44
years
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the english
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english
Fix capitalization
English
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 native country from 1981 to 2006 .
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority of the
womens
Correct your spelling
women
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 a
couble
Correct your spelling
couple
 of
children
Use synonyms
 throughout
this
Linking Words
 period ,
while
Linking Words
 the
miniority
Correct your spelling
minority
 had only one
Use synonyms
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
uin
Correct your spelling
in
 1981 and 1986 . Surprisingly , in 1981 and
1986
Punctuation problem
1986,
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 the significant majority
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
of
womens
Correct your spelling
women
had
two
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 29 % and 35.6
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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 ,
while
Linking Words
 the
miniority
Correct your spelling
minority
 in these
two
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 had one child .
Similarly
Linking Words
 , the largest proportion of women had
two
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 with
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 difference
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 0.1 %
,
Punctuation problem
. By
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by contrast
Linking Words
 ,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 smallest proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
accounted for the family that
contain
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 one child in 1996 and four or more
children
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2006 . In conclusion ,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 table shows that
Correct article usage
a
show examples
family
contains of
Wrong verb form
containing
show examples
two
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 was stable in all the
years
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase in the
last
Linking Words
two
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, children, two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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