IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
The first data illustrate the
present
Check wording
presence
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 of power used in an average Australian
household
Use synonyms
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
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 other data demonstrate the greenhouse gas emissions resulting from
power
Correct article usage
the power
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 used.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the Australian
household
Use synonyms
 power use, heat was the dominant in the chart
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 heat had
less
Correct word choice
a lower
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 percentage in both.
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
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, the highest in Australian
household
Use synonyms
 greenhouse gas emissions is water heating went from the second to the top. To be more specific, whilst heating
display
Replace the word
displayed
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 a dramatic decrease in the second
chart
Punctuation problem
chart,
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went
Wrong verb form
going
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 from 42% to 15% it was almost half of the percentage
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 other appliances increased
for
Change preposition
by
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 about 13%. which explains that
household
Use synonyms
 energy
consume
Wrong verb form
consumption is
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 heating over other appliances.
Also
Linking Words
, refrigeration doubled
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 size
due to
Linking Words
 the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 greenhouse
fuel
Check wording
gas fuel
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to
Change preposition
for
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 it .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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not
Rephrase
apply
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any
Correct determiner usage
no
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 noticeable changes in the rest, specifically water heating and cooling
remains
Correct subject-verb agreement
remain
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 almost the same and did not
changed
Wrong verb form
change
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 that much.
Never the less
Use the right word
Nevertheless
show examples
, cooling seems to be the least used in both given data.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words household with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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