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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

An increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are having
sugar
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-based
drinks
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. The reasons vary between their accessibility of purchase and social behaviours. To stop it, society's views around these beverages would have to change,
as well as
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 the way the
drinks
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 are sold.
Firstly
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, sodas are available everywhere. Buying one is a very simple process. Most, if not all, restaurants, coffeehouses and even vending machines have them at the public’s disposal.
However
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, finding a healthy alternative, like a detox juice,
for example
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, often requires going to a specific place.
Secondly
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, soft
drinks
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 are part of social culture. It's common in some countries, like the USA,
for example
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, to meet up with friends for a sweet treat.
This
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 happens especially between youngsters. Rituals like
this
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 intensify the consumption because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 a natural part of day-to-day life. Sometimes,
people
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 don't even realise the beverages have so much
sugar
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 in them. One of the reasons for
this
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 is the denominations
the
Correct pronoun usage
that the
show examples
 coffee places and brands give to the products. Look at Starbucks,
for example
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. If you buy an iced coffee, you may think that it simply has coffee in it, but a lot of famous brands include
sugar
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 in all their
drinks
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. To stop
this
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 upward trend, the health effects of
sugar
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 should be put
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all cans, as is done for cigarettes.
Furthermore
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, healthier options of
drinks
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 should be as easily available as the sugary versions are. If these solutions were implemented,
people
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 would have more options to choose from. Knowing the impact of
sugar
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 through clearer labelling could
then
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 encourage healthier decisions. In summary, the reasons why
people
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 are drinking more sugary
drinks
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 are because of their accessibility and the role they play in social activities. The solutions to stop them are to alert
people
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 about the effects of
sugar
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,
while
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also
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 making healthier options easy to choose.

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task response
Open with a short line that says what you will talk about and what you think.
coherence
Begin each paragraph with one clear idea and a short topic sentence.
task response
Add more real facts or clear examples to back your points.
lexical
Choose easy words. Aim for simple phrases and avoid hard word choices.
task response
Finish with a short, clear end that repeats your main idea.
coherence
You show two main ideas and give example of a brand.
structure
You end with a summary line which helps the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
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