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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and
women
Use synonyms
 members of academic staff across 7 different faculties of a major university in the year of 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest figures of males in engineering faculty as
oppose
Wrong verb form
opposed
show examples
 to
women
Use synonyms
 in the same sphere,
while
Linking Words
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 field is mainly ruled by females. First and foremost, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that most of
engineers
Correct article usage
the engineers
show examples
 are men
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the outstanding number of nearly 82%, being almost four times higher
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of males in business, law and science majors(around 60%) is approximately
almost
Rephrase
apply
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twofold
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the females(nearly 35%).
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 in arts(54%) and education(78%) is higher than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 for men, 42% and 22%,respectively.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of both genders are almost equal in medicine.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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