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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the
cement
Use synonyms
-making process, and how
cement
Use synonyms
 is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The given diagrams delineate the procedure of making
cement
Use synonyms
 and concrete.
Overall
Linking Words
, the key points to
notes
Wrong verb form
note
show examples
 are
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 process consists
seven
Change preposition
of seven
show examples
 stages, starting with making
cement
Use synonyms
 with
ingredients
Use synonyms
 and culminating with making concrete. Looking at the first diagram for more details, all
ingredients
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as limestone and clay are blended together and
then
Linking Words
grinded
Verb problem
ground
show examples
 to
be formed
Wrong verb form
form
show examples
as
Use the right word
a
show examples
powder
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
the
powder
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 moved to
mixer
Correct article usage
the mixer
show examples
 to make sure they are mixed well.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 stage, the
powder
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 put into
rotating
Correct article usage
a rotating
show examples
 heater, to be heated enough
while
Linking Words
 moving gently up and down. When they are cooked, they need to
gone
Wrong verb form
be ground
show examples
 through
grinder
Correct article usage
a grinder
show examples
 to
be
Verb problem
make
show examples
 more
soft
Correct word choice
softer
show examples
powder
Use synonyms
, called
cement
Use synonyms
 and are put into bags. In subsequent stages, to make
high quality
Use the right word
high-quality
show examples
 concrete, the exact amount of proportion of
ingredients
Use synonyms
 should
mixed
Verb problem
be mixed
show examples
 together.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15% of
cement
Use synonyms
, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel are gathered in
concrete
Correct article usage
a concrete
show examples
 mixer.
While
Linking Words
 the mixer smoothly
turn
Correct subject-verb agreement
turns
show examples
 right, the
ingredients
Use synonyms
 are changed into
mixture
Correct article usage
a mixture
show examples
, to be used as concrete.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, ingredients, powder with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • construction
  • cement-making
  • raw materials
  • crushing
  • mixing
  • heating
  • grinding
  • cement powder
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • concrete
  • versatility
  • strength
  • aggregate
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