IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart
present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
show examples
 the rate of genders in academic staff across the various fields in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that men dominated most subjects, particularly in engineering,
while
Linking Words
 women were more prevalent in education. In medicine, the number of both genders was almost the same, around 50%,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
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 science and
business
Fix capitalization
Business
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 showed a similar pattern, respectively
women
Punctuation problem
, women
show examples
 at 35% and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 at 65%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, The education field is mostly filled by women, approximately 75% whilst
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 only 22%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Arts and
law
Fix capitalization
Law
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 have a numerical difference in gender. The percentage of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a higher score
rather
Rephrase
apply
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than females around 53%, despite
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 males in law
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 higher than both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
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 in arts sphere

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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