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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.
The bar charts compare the percentage of
men
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 and
women
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 aged between 60 and 64 who were employed in four different countries in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all four countries, the proportion of older
men
Use synonyms
 in work was higher than that of
women
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for older workers experienced a dramatic decline,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of
women
Use synonyms
 fluctuated slightly over the period. In 1970, the employment rate of
men
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 aged 60-64 was the highest in Japan, at around 85%, followed by Belgium and Australia, with approximately 79% and 76% respectively. The
USA
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 had the lowest figure at about 73%. By 2000, the percentage of working
men
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 dropped significantly in all nations, with the
USA
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 experiencing the most dramatic fall to around 19%. As for
women
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, the figures were considerably lower than those of
men
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 in both years. In 1970, the
USA
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 and Japan had the highest percentage of
women
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 aged 60-64 in work, at around 36% and 43% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 the figures for Belgium and Australia were the lowest. By 2000, the proportion of
women
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 workers in Belgium and Japan
declined
Verb problem
had declined
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 slightly,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
USA
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 and Australia saw a slight increase.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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