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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given three pie chart compares the average spending on four kind of food by people in China, India and all over the world in the year 2008 period.

The given three pie chart compares the average spending on four kind of food by people in China, India and all over the world in the year 2008 period.
The data provides information on the average expenditure of countries
such
Linking Words
 as
India
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 and
China
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
world
Use synonyms
 on various
food
Use synonyms
 products in the year 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, processed
food
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 and vegetables
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 fruits are consumed at a large scale in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries and in the entire
world
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 compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other edibles. Meanwhile, Nuts and seeds are preferred less by people in
India
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 and around the
world
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except
Punctuation problem
, except
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 for
China
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, residents of
India
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 and other
counries
Correct your spelling
countries
 spend more on Animal
food
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 than
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China
Change preposition
in China
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. Processed
Food
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 has recorded the highest proportion of spending amongst all the nations
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 meeting 39 % in
India
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, 34 % in
China
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 and 41 %
world
Use synonyms
 average. Followed by processed
food
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, fruits and vegetables are the second most
popluar
Correct your spelling
popular
 items throughout all the countries in the
world
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. Almost 32%
in
Change preposition
of
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China
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's, 23%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
India
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's and 29 %
world
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's expenditure is on fruits and vegetables.
Moreover
Linking Words
,27 % of
India
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's and 26 % of
Use synonyms
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
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 citizens buy animal
food
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;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 15 % chinese citizens contribute to
these
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this
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 share.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
China
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 spends more on nuts and seeds compared to
India
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 and
Use synonyms
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 average percentage, which is 19 % , 11 % and 4% respectively.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words india, china, world, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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