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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows bottled water consumption in various regions as a percent of global consumption and bar chart shows the growth of bottled water consumption in 2001. Summarize the information and compare where relevant

The pie chart below shows bottled water consumption in various regions as a percent of global consumption and bar chart shows the growth of bottled water consumption in 2001. Summarize the information and compare where relevant
The pie chart depicts the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
water
Check wording
apply
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bottled for different places from all over the world for the year of
1999
Punctuation problem
1999,
show examples
 where
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the bar chart illustrates the increased percentage of bottled
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
Asia
Use synonyms
 continent consumed the
heighest
Correct your spelling
highest
 amount of
bottle
Replace the word
bottled
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water
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Western Europe and Australia held the lowest position.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Asia
Use synonyms
 increased the
consumption
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to other regions, but Western
Europ
Use the right word
Europe
show examples
 showed the lowest percentage among all.
Asia
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 used almost half of the
bottle
Replace the word
bottled
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water
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was 48%. The second
heighest
Correct your spelling
highest
 position was
occuppied
Correct your spelling
occupied
 by the USA and the
rate
Use synonyms
 showed 15% of the total
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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. The following regions were New Zealand, Latin America, Africa,
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
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 East, Western Europe and Australia consumed 13%, 10%, 5%, 5%, 2%, and 2% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2001
Asia
Use synonyms
 significantly
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 the
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
 to 14%.
latin
Fix capitalization
Latin
show examples
 America and New Zealand
joinly
Correct your spelling
jointly
 in second
number
Check wording
apply
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in terms of
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 12%. But those two countries had
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 1999.
Lastly
Linking Words
, only Western Europe maintain its low
rate
Use synonyms
, where
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 increased
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 as well.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, water, asia, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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