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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

These days,
people
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 are emigrating from their homes and loved ones for work.
Although
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 moving away can have certain benefits, I believe its disadvantages outweigh the advantages, as it can lead to social
health
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 problems. On the one hand,
while
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 there might be several advantages of moving away, one of the main benefits is that they can be independent.By being independent,
people
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 can learn many things
such
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 as responsibility, problem-solving skills, self-confidence and time management.
For example
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, when a person does not live with their family or
friends
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, they will not rely on them and they start to learn how to handle challenges and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 decisions on their own.
Thus
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, for these reasons, it might be highly beneficial.
On the other hand
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, there are numerous drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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 emigrating. First of all, living far from family and
friends
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 can lead to many problems, especially social
health
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 problems. To be clear, social
health
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 plays a crucial role as mental
health
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 and physical
health
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, so when
people
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 do not communicate or spend time with their close
ones
Punctuation problem
ones,
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 it can cause social
health
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 issues.
In addition
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, they may lose their concentration on their work because they may
be
Verb problem
apply
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miss their homes,
family
Punctuation problem
family,
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as well as
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friends
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
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 think about other
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
, they cannot focus properly.
Therefore
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, for these reasons, it has several disadvantages. In conclusion,
while
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 living apart from family and
friends
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 might be beneficial in some cases, I strongly think that it has many drawbacks
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as causing
health
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 issues.

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task
To raise task response, add more clear, full ideas and more detail for each point. State your view clearly and keep it steady through the essay.
coherence
Link ideas with simple phrases, and keep order from one idea to the next. Check pronouns and refer to the same thing.
lexis
Use more exact words where possible and check grammar to avoid awkward notes. Use common words from the top 100 to keep simple.
content
Add one extra example for each side to show you can think about both views and to show balance.
structure
Clear opinion and essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
content
It uses examples to support ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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