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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more houses. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside. What is your opinion?

In recent years, a lot of countries have been experiencing population growth and are in need of more houses. Should these new homes be built in existing cities or should new towns be constructed in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I'll explain both viewpoints and give my personal opinion
at the end
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. Many people like being alone, and
also
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 love peace , so the
countryside
Use synonyms
 towns are a perfect choice to live there. Yes, it may be far from all places, but it's safer and quieter there.
Furthermore
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, there are lots of benefits if you build a town in the
countryside
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it's very spacious, so in the future
if
Punctuation problem
, if
show examples
 you need to build more homes, that won't be a problem.
However
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, it's very far from schools, work, and other stuff , which means usage of the car will be a lot, and gasoline will be very needed.
As a result
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, it destroys the global climate and harms the environment.
On the other hand
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, many people like living in the middle of cities , which brings lots of advantages.
Firstly
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, you wouldn't use the car a lot because everything you need , like groceries or
furneture
Correct your spelling
furniture
, will be very close, so everyone living there can just walk.
Additionally
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, even waking up early for work or school won't be a massive problem anymore.
Thus
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, making it less expensive for you and less harmful to the environment.
To sum up
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, building new towns in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 would look perfect, but it's like living in a boring
countryside
Use synonyms
 town, rather than a trendy
countryside
Use synonyms
 with new stuff to offer daily.

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task
Be clear about your view from the start and stay with it to the end.
coherence
Use clear links to show how your ideas connect, and keep each paragraph to one main idea.
task
Give more exact examples or facts to back up your point, like numbers or real places.
language
Check small grammar errors and spell common words correctly to help readers.
structure
There is a clear structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
coherence
Some good use of linking phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'Thus'.
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