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Writing Samples
Band 5

In order to learn the way other people in the world live, it is better to look at film and video records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 argue that watching movies or documentaries is better than
books
Verb problem
reading books
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 for
people
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 to learn about the
world
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.
While
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written
Correct article usage
a written
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 book always records in greater
details
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detail
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, I still believe that film plays a crucial role in enhancing cultural understanding and improving
information
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 sharing. Visual documentaries are beneficial for understanding the
world
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 better. Unlike written documents, movies can vividly depict the lives of
people
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 in different countries, with authentic voices and dynamic actions, which create an immersive atmosphere for individuals.
For example
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, it is difficult to use simple and understandable language to describe the hunting process in African tribes,
while
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 voices make it easy at a glance. What is more, cultural understanding promotes a valuable emotional relationship between
the
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people
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world
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, making the
world
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 more harmonious. Videos enable
people
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 to obtain
information
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 promptly. To illustrate, many aspects of daily
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 in foreign countries are dynamic and time-sensitive, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to be updated in time.
For instance
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, a short clip documenting a new festival tradition in rural Sweden
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 can be easily uploaded online immediately,
whereas
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 printed books, which cannot be revised once published and
thus
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 quickly become outdated.
In addition
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, timely
information
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 reception is essential for bridging the
information
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 gap between countries, which helps to eliminate cultural prejudices. In conclusion, comparing the written documents, not only can films and documentaries promote international understanding and foster a deeper emotional connection across the
world
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 through voices and actions, but they can
also
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 narrow the
information
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 gap and thereby eliminate cultural prejudices by delivering timely
information
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. In doing so, they become powerful bridges that unite diverse cultures, paving the way for a more harmonious and interconnected global community.

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structure
Make your main idea clear at the start of the first paragraph and keep to it in the next parts.
development
Add more detail to each point with one clear example or fact. Right now some ideas feel general.
language
Fix small grammar mistakes like noun plural and verb form to help flow.
content
Show balance by mentioning some good points of books, even with small facts, to show you can weigh both sides.
coherence
Use linking words to guide the reader, such as and, but, however, for example.
stance
Clear stance that films can help learn about the world.
content
Good use of contrast between film and books.
conclusion
Conclusion repeats main idea and closes.
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