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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 - 2004.

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 - 2004.
The two line graphs illustrate the amount of money spent on imports to New Zealand from Australia and Japan
at
Change preposition
during
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 the
time
Check wording
apply
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period from 1994 to 2004. The
units
Use synonyms
 are measured in NZ$
millions
Use synonyms
. In general, it can be clearly seen that both graphs experienced a visible fluctuation, but imports from Australia showed an upward trend,
while
Linking Words
goods
Check wording
imports
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 from Japan
decrease
Replace the word
decreased
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the figures imported from Australia began in 1994 at 4000
units
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 and in the time period from 1995 to 1996 rose gradually to around 6500
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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. From 1996 until
1999
Punctuation problem
1999,
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 the graph fluctuated and hit the lowest point in 1999 at 3000
units
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.
Then
Linking Words
until
Punctuation problem
, until
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2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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 it soared
at
Change preposition
to
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 7500 NZ$ and continued to fluctuate till
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
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 when imported goods reached the highest point of 8000
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 in 1994 imports from Jaman began at the lowest point, 3000
units
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,
then
Linking Words
 it jumped more than twofold to around 6200NZ$
in
Change preposition
by
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 the end of 1996, which was
also
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the graphs
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graphs
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graph's
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 peak. Between 1997 and
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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 incoming goods dipped and
then
Linking Words
 fell and levelled off to 2000
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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 in 2004.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words units, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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