IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of different genders
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 take
further
Linking Words
 education in Britain at three different periods and whether they were taking full-time
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 part-time education.
Overall
Linking Words
, the academic periods were divided into separate sections for
men
Use synonyms
 and women. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 in
further
Linking Words
 education fluctuated over the period.
While
Linking Words
 for women, the
number
Use synonyms
 significantly rose compared to
men
Use synonyms
after
Change preposition
over
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 decades. In the cases, the part-time
taker
Use synonyms
, that all
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
,
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
surprisingly
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 the group with the
number
Use synonyms
taker
Use synonyms
 per
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 at 1000 in the 1970/71.
This
Linking Words
 figure has fluctuated in 1980/81 when the
number
Use synonyms
taker
Use synonyms
was decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 slightly and rose again in 1990/91.
While
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 aren’t
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 the full-time
Use synonyms
taker
Punctuation problem
taker,
show examples
 that would seen
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
stablely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in the three decades.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the part-time
taker
Use synonyms
, that all from
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
,
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
start
Replace the word
started
show examples
 from below 800 per
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 in the 1970/71 and surprisingly rose
stabely
Correct your spelling
steadily
 in the 1980/81 to the 1990/91, leading the
men
Use synonyms
 below it.
While
Linking Words
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 with the full-time take that rose
stabely
Correct your spelling
steadily
 and equal with the
men
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, men, taker with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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