The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Nowadays, the proportion of corpulent

children

Use synonyms

has increased. I will not only try to explain the causes behind

this

Linking Words

growing tendency but

also

Linking Words

shed light on what possible effects it can cause. First and foremost

causing

Punctuation problem

, causing

show examples

obesity is

relating

Wrong verb form

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

addiction

Change preposition

show examples

fast

food

Use synonyms

. It can be exemplified by the fact that,

nowadays

Punctuation problem

nowadays,

show examples

junk

food

Use synonyms

restaurants

increase

Wrong verb form

are increasing

show examples

their chain versions all over the region. That’s why

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

some parents prefer to order

such

Linking Words

types of

food

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of cooking at home.

Thus

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

getting more calories and eating hazardous meals

then

Linking Words

they start to suffer from psychological problems

such

Linking Words

as anxiety, stress

etc

Punctuation problem

, etc

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

, one of the essential

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle. In today’s world

Use synonyms

children

Punctuation problem

, children

show examples

use their mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and get stuck in computer games for hours

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

Linking Words

however

Punctuation problem

however,

show examples

ten years ago

Linking Words

this

Punctuation problem

, this

show examples

situation

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

completely different from present-day so

, in

Punctuation problem

. In

show examples

the past,

children

Use synonyms

engrossed

Verb problem

were engrossed

show examples

in several activities

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

as sports, art, musical instruments

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

they always

play

Wrong verb form

played

show examples

games that

demand

Wrong verb form

demanded

show examples

physical activity. All of these prevented

children

Use synonyms

from

getting

Verb problem

gaining

show examples

weight in an unhealthy way.

Furthemore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, overweight

children

Use synonyms

become reluctant to walk somewhere or play with their friends in the yard.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

they go away

basic

Change preposition

from basic

show examples

activities. The possible effects of

this

Linking Words

problem include physical and mental health problems.

In addition

Linking Words

, obesity can cause some heart diseases, diabetes,

blood

Correct word choice

high blood

show examples

pressure and other severe problems. Parents must be aware of

Use synonyms

children’s

Correct pronoun usage

their children’s

show examples

daily diet for their future life.

To sum up

Linking Words

, nowadays there

are

Verb problem

is are

show examples

huge number of overweight

children

Use synonyms

. It’s mainly caused by an inactive lifestyle and unhealthy

food

Use synonyms

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

this

Linking Words

tendency.

zeynalli.taranna

Nov 24, 2025

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structure

Plan before you write. Put one main idea in each paragraph and follow it.

vocabulary

Use easy words. Avoid long or hard words that are not needed.

grammar

Check grammar and form. Use the right tense and verb forms.

coherence

Put links between ideas with small connect words like and, but, also, for example.

content

Give simple, clear examples that the reader can see in real life.

task

Finish with a short sum that repeats the main idea.

structure

There is a plan to discuss causes and effects.

content

Two main ideas are shown: fast food and life style.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

259 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
obesity
caloric intake
sedentary lifestyle
screen time
physical education
nutritious
psychological well-being
self-esteem
socioeconomic
healthcare system
life expectancy
obesity-related complications

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