IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

People
Use synonyms
 usually hold varying views about the age of a good leader.
Although
Linking Words
 some state that older
people
Use synonyms
 can be better leaders, I
stronly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 believe that leaders at
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 can bring more benefits for an
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
. Advocates of older
directors
Use synonyms
 usually claim that extensive experience, which has been
accomplished
Verb problem
acquired
show examples
 throughout their
work days
Use the right word
workdays
show examples
, plays an important role in the success of any company. A leader at the age
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 fifty may have gone through financial downturns,
hardest
Correct article usage
the hardest
show examples
 moment, brain drain problem and many others alike.
Such
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 challenges
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
together
Use the right word
altogether
show examples
 must have taught
directors
Use synonyms
 many life lessons, reshaping the way they make decisions at work. Considering these factors, older
people
Use synonyms
 are sometimes
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 more than their
youger
Correct your spelling
younger
 counterparts.
On the other hand
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, one major problem with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age is
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack of
show examples
 computer literacy skills.
Vast
Correct article usage
The vast
show examples
 majority of
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation do not feel confident
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 computers and other
such
Linking Words
 modern devices. They constantly seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
assistance when they have to work on computers and other
such
Linking Words
 communication technologies. If
this
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 aspect is
analyzed
Change the spelling
analysed
show examples
 carefully, the conclusion would be that older
people
Use synonyms
 cannot be as effective leaders as some imagine uncritically. I personally believe that younger
directors
Use synonyms
 can be more beneficial. One main advantage of them is the modernism
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they will likely come with. As they were born in technology
developing
Use the right word
technology-developing
show examples
 world and grew up with modern devices, they are well aware of how to use and benefit from them.
For example
Linking Words
, if they implement the use of innovative tools,
such
Linking Words
 as shared
google doc
Fix capitalization
Google Doc
show examples
 files alone,
this
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 would improve the collaboration among colleagues.
This
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 would certainly result in better productivity, which can be followed by a long-lasting benefit for the company.
Due to
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such
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 benefits, I advocate the recruitment of
youngerdirectors
Correct your spelling
younger directors
. In conclusion, experience is the main reason why older
directors
Use synonyms
 are sometimes
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 over the younger ones.
However
Linking Words
, they usually lack important skills of computer literacy, which is crucial in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the task of managing the company should be given to younger
people
Use synonyms
, who can introduce modern and more effective tools into the workplace.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write. Put the main idea in each paragraph and link them from one idea to the next.
task
Use a short and clear intro and a short conclusion. Say your view in both so the reader knows your stand.
examples
Add more real and small examples for each point. This helps show your idea.
language
Check spelling, join words and use easy, common words. Keep meaning clear.
vocabulary
Use simple words and short phrases so the writing is easy to read.
structure
Break ideas into clear parts. Start a new paragraph for each main idea.
idea
You give a clear view that younger leaders can bring good ideas.
structure
There is a plan to use modern tools to help work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Hierarchy
  • Leadership style
  • Innovation
  • Experience
  • Technological advancement
  • Adaptability
  • Visionary
  • Enthusiasm
  • Diversity
  • Management
  • Workplace dynamics
  • Authority
  • Respect
  • Mentorship
  • Digital transformation
  • Long-term strategy
  • Modern business context
  • Motivation
  • Professional growth
  • Strategic decisions
What to do next:
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