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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of Australian
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 across six
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 (15-24, 25-34, 35-44, 45-54, 55-64, and 65 and over) doing regular physical exercise in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is notable that the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 who exercised regularly was higher than that of
men
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 aged 45-54 represented
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 proportion among
six
Correct article usage
the six
show examples
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 in the 15-24
age
Use synonyms
 group accounted for the largest. Looking more closely at the data, over half of
women
Use synonyms
 in three
age
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groups
Use synonyms
: 35-44, 45-54, and 55-64 doing regular physical activity, at 52.5%, 53.3%, and 53%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the other
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, 15-24, 25-34, and 65 and
over
Punctuation problem
over,
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 took up smaller shares, all at just under 50%. In terms of
men
Use synonyms
, the 15-24
age
Use synonyms
 group was the only one
exceeded
Correct pronoun usage
that exceeded
show examples
 50%, at 52.8%, which was
also
Linking Words
 the only
age
Use synonyms
 group that surpassed
women
Use synonyms
, at 47.7%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over was quite equivalent to that of
women
Use synonyms
, at 46.7% and 47.1%, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the remaining
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, 25-34, 35-44, 45-54, and 55-64, were all by far lower than
women
Use synonyms
, ranging from only 39% to 45%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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