IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the number of temporary migrant worker in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006.

The table provides information about the number of foreign
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in four major
countries
Use synonyms
 from 2003 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, all four
countries
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend of
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
, and America had the highest
migrants
Use synonyms
 during the period of time.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the initial period, America employed 152,000 temporary
migrants
Use synonyms
, the highest employment
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 other
countries
Use synonyms
. Australia and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom
also
Linking Words
 absorbed
nomerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 foreign
migrants
Use synonyms
 for their
countries
Use synonyms
, more than 100,000
labours
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, New Zealand only had 65,000
Use synonyms
migrants
Fix the agreement mistake
migrant
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
, the least number of
workers
Use synonyms
 amongst others.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 2006, all
countries
Use synonyms
accounted
Verb problem
experienced
show examples
 an upward trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 employment rates. America
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 employed approximately 678,000 people, with 2.3
workers
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
1,000
Correct determiner usage
every 1,000
show examples
 people. Evidently, New Zealand had the highest
condense
Fix the agreement mistake
concentration of
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 from 1000 people, it accounted
21.1
Change preposition
for 21.1
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 their total
migrants
Use synonyms
 only reached 87,000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, workers, migrants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • temporary migrant workers
  • immigration policy
  • labor demand
  • economic conditions
  • population ratio
  • increase/decrease
  • significance of data
  • country comparison
  • broader implications
  • host countries
  • statistical analysis
  • demographic trend
  • workforce
  • employment opportunities
  • global migration patterns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: