IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

T he bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates how many males and females in 6
age
Use synonyms
 groups
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
did regular exercise in Australia in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 people in both genders doing regular exercise
when
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they grew older.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of Australian females outweighs that of males across all
age
Use synonyms
 groups
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the exception of the 15 to 24
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Punctuation problem
group,
show examples
 where
men
Use synonyms
 showed a higher participation rate. In the 15 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, 52.8% of
men
Use synonyms
 engaged in regular physical activity, compared with 47.7% of
women
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, from ages 25 to 34 onward,
this
Linking Words
 pattern reversed. The percentage of females rose to 48.9% in the 25–34
group
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for males dropped sharply to 42.2%. A similar trend continued in the 35–44 category, where 52.5% of
women
Use synonyms
 exercised, compared with only 39.5% of
men
Use synonyms
. In older adults, the gap between genders is still significant. In the 45–54
group
Use synonyms
, 53.3% of
women
Use synonyms
 did physical activity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the highest, compared with 43.1% of
men
Use synonyms
. In the oldest
group
Use synonyms
, 65 and over, the figures became more similar, with 47.1% of
women
Use synonyms
 and 46.7% of
men
Use synonyms
 doing regular physical activity.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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