IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adults by age group in the UK who used the internet every day in the years 2003-2006.

The bar graph depicts the proportion of adults of various
age
Use synonyms
 groups using the internet daily in the UK between 2003-2006. It’s crystal clear that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 types witnessed a sharp increase during the given time frame, with the exception of the oldest ones (65+). In the preliminary
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 all adults experienced a rise
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 in the ultimate
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 younger ones became more active users. Moving onto the remaining statistics, the rate of 16-24-year-olds
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 accounted for 80% in 2003-2004, increased slightly to 85% in 2005, and
then
Linking Words
had risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to 90% by 2006.
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 25-44 year group indicated 71% in 2003-2004,
whereas
Linking Words
 it grew
80
Change preposition
to 80
show examples
% in 2005-2006. In terms of 45-54
Use synonyms
age adults
Check wording
who
show examples
 used
Correct article usage
the interweb
show examples
interweb
Use the right word
internet
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 60% in 2003,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 increased slowly to 70% in 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the people who are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
55-64 years
experienced
Correct word choice
old experienced
show examples
 a growth, the rate of
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 was 35% in 2003,
while
Linking Words
 it was 55% in 2006.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the special decrease was observed in the
age
Use synonyms
 group 65+, almost no one used the internet in 2003 from
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group, in
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
 20% of them used the internet daily.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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