IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the production and consumption of rice in seven different countries in 2008.

The bar chart compares the amount of
rice
Use synonyms
 produced and consumed by Bangladesh, Indonesia, China, India,
Japan
Use synonyms
, Vietnam, and Thailand in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, China and India had the largest
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
rice
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 recorded the smallest
figures
Use synonyms
. Notably,
rice
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 exceeded its
consumption
Use synonyms
 in most countries, except for Bangladesh, Indonesia and
Japan
Use synonyms
. China and India produced 15 and 13
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 of
rice
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 their
consumption
Use synonyms
figures
Use synonyms
 stood at 14 and 12
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
. These
figures
Use synonyms
 were the highest amount
seven
Change preposition
for seven
show examples
 nations.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Vietnam and Thailand
also
Linking Words
 produced more
rice
Use synonyms
 than they consumed, producing 4 and 5
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 and consuming 2 and 3
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, separately
show examples
separately
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
rice
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 outweighed
production
Use synonyms
 in both Bangladesh and Indonesia, with
consumption
Use synonyms
 of 7 and 8
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 compared with
production
Use synonyms
 of 6 and 7
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 showed the lowest
figures
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
, with both
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 at 2
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rice, japan, production, consumption, figures, million, tonnes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: