IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the production and consumption of rice in seven different countries in 2008.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The bar chart compares the amount of
rice
Use synonyms
 produced and consumed by Bangladesh, Indonesia, China, India,
Japan
Use synonyms
, Vietnam, and Thailand in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, China and India had the largest
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
rice
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 recorded the smallest
figures
Use synonyms
. Notably,
rice
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 exceeded its
consumption
Use synonyms
 in most countries, except for Bangladesh, Indonesia and
Japan
Use synonyms
. China and India produced 15 and 13
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 of
rice
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 their
consumption
Use synonyms
figures
Use synonyms
 stood at 14 and 12
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
. These
figures
Use synonyms
 were the highest amount
seven
Change preposition
for seven
show examples
 nations.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Vietnam and Thailand
also
Linking Words
 produced more
rice
Use synonyms
 than they consumed, producing 4 and 5
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 and consuming 2 and 3
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, separately
show examples
separately
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
rice
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 outweighed
production
Use synonyms
 in both Bangladesh and Indonesia, with
consumption
Use synonyms
 of 7 and 8
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 compared with
production
Use synonyms
 of 6 and 7
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 showed the lowest
figures
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
, with both
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 at 2
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rice, japan, production, consumption, figures, million, tonnes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: