IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays some workplace tend to employ equal number of men and women workers . Do you think it is positive or negative development?

Nowadays, some workplaces aim to employ an equal number of men and women.
Although
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this
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 policy is often introduced to promote
gender
Use synonyms
equality
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, I strongly believe that it is a negative development, as it can undermine merit-based hiring and create practical challenges in certain sectors. Admittedly, encouraging
gender
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 balance can help reduce discrimination and ensure equal opportunities in the workplace. A more diverse workforce may
also
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 enhance collaboration and provide a wider range of perspectives. These advantages explain why many
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 support
gender
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equality
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 initiatives.
Nevertheless
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, imposing strict numerical targets for employment can lead to unintended and unfair consequences. The primary drawback of
this
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 approach is that it shifts the focus away from merit. Recruitment should be based on skills, qualifications, and experience rather than
gender
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. If employers are required to meet fixed quotas, they may be forced to reject more capable candidates simply to achieve numerical balance.
This
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 not only compromises workplace efficiency but can
also
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 demotivate highly qualified individuals who feel they have been treated unjustly.
Furthermore
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, enforcing equal numbers of men and women may be impractical in certain physically demanding occupations. Jobs
such
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 as construction or heavy industry often involve long hours and strenuous tasks. In these contexts, strict
gender
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 targets may result in operational difficulties and place unnecessary strain on employees, rather than improving productivity or fairness. In conclusion,
while
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gender
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equality
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 is an important social objective, enforcing equal numbers of men and women in the workplace is a negative development. A fair recruitment system should
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 competence and suitability for the role, allowing
equality
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 to emerge naturally rather than through rigid quotas.

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task response
Add more view lines, show more good and bad of the policy, with clear examples for each side.
coherence
Use short sentences and plain words to keep ideas clear and easy to track.
examples
Put more real life examples from different jobs to back up points.
grammar
Check word choice and make sure every sentence is easy to read.
stance
The writer shows a clear position against strict quotas.
example
A realistic example is used (construction work) to show practical effect.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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