IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have several views on whether
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is more important than
job
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
 both are important for a
well lived
Use the right word
well-lived
show examples
 life,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe that
gratifying
Correct article usage
a gratifying
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 trumps a protected one.
Job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 constitutes an important part of productivity and
problem solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
 because a relaxed employee is able to view
Use synonyms
work related
Use the right word
work-related
show examples
 problems objectively
unlike
Punctuation problem
, unlike
show examples
 a worker
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is under pressure. Recent studies have shown that
toxic
Correct article usage
a toxic
show examples
Use synonyms
work place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
 environment limits
creativity
Correct article usage
the creativity
show examples
 and productivity of
employees
Use synonyms
 by about 62%.
Job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 would
also
Linking Words
 lead to good outcomes for both employers and
employees
Use synonyms
 because
employees
Use synonyms
 doing a good
job
Use synonyms
 bring profits and advancement to the
company
Punctuation problem
company,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 providing opportunities for promotion and increased wages for
employees
Use synonyms
.
Job
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 important in making
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
plans
Punctuation problem
plans,
show examples
 could sometimes be a reason for monotony at the
Use synonyms
work place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
. People focused on
job
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
 have been seen to take on jobs mostly in the civil
servive
Correct your spelling
service
 where there are barely changes to the
work
Use synonyms
 process over a long time.
Work
Use synonyms
 might be easier here
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it kills creativity and critical thinking
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 the workers just want to maintain their jobs as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
. In the 2020 survey, it showed
workers
Correct word choice
that workers
show examples
 focused on
job
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
 tend to be lazy in the
Use synonyms
work place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
 because they are scared of changes.
This
Linking Words
 fear of change and any adjustment would lead to underproductivity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 slows down promotion and leads to stagnant
of
Use the right word
or
show examples
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 wages. In conclusion,
job
Use synonyms
 seeking for people involves
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 in terms of benefits, wages and vacation opportunities and
also
Linking Words
security
Use synonyms
withh
Correct your spelling
with
 the possibility of working long term, growth and promotions
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 if one were to choose, it is important to focus on having a gratifying
job
Use synonyms
 as
this
Linking Words
 would have an
overall
Linking Words
 positive impact on living.

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planning
Plan a short plan in the intro. Say the two views and your pick, then end with a clear view.
coherence
Use simple, clear linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
evidence
Give easy to see examples. If you name a study, say what it is and who did it.
grammar
Fix misspells and wrong word use so your message is easy to read.
conclusion
Finish with a strong conclusion that restates your view and why it fits.
content
Your view is clear and you take a strong stand.
argument
You give a reason for the choice and show two sides.
evidence
There are some data or ideas that back up what you say.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job
  • work
  • happy
  • enjoy
  • like
  • feel good
  • safe
  • steady
  • money
  • pay
  • income
  • plan
  • life
  • family
  • health
  • stress
  • risk
  • grow
  • learn
  • skill
  • future
  • balance
  • choice
  • option
  • example
  • in my view
  • on the other hand
  • therefore
  • early
  • later
What to do next:
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