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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.

The bar chart provides key information about the
Percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in three age groups in 1984, 2001, and 2014. All the figures are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in the 35-44
year
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest figures,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in the 60-64
year
Use synonyms
 age group had the lowest. In general, the data showed
overall
Linking Words
 fluctuations throughout the period. In 1984, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in the 35-44
year
Use synonyms
 stood around 98%, followed by the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in the 15-19
year
Use synonyms
 age group at 55%. Meanwhile, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in the 60-64
year
Use synonyms
 accounted for the lowest levels at 28%. During the period, in the 35-44
year
Use synonyms
 aged experienced steady increases. In comparison,
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in the 15-19
year
Use synonyms
 decreased by around 5%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Australian
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 employed in the 60-64 showed an increase
noticeably
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in 2014.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, australian, men, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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