IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The process diagram details the steps by which liquid chocolcate is produced from cocoa beans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The diagram illustrates how the liquid chocolate is made.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are ten main stages, starting with picking the ripe red pods and ending with the production of liquid chocolate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is a
liner
Use the right word
linear
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 process and manufacturing process. Looking at the details, the first
stage
Use synonyms
 is collecting the ripe red pods from the cacao tree, which it is growing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South America, Africa, and Indonesia.
Then
Linking Words
, the pods are harvested to collect the white cocoa
beans
Use synonyms
. In the third
stage
Use synonyms
, the
beans
Use synonyms
 are fermented using
banana’s
Check wording
banana
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 paper. In the fourth
stage
Use synonyms
, the
beans
Use synonyms
spread
Verb problem
are spread
show examples
 in
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
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 to dry and become brown.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, we put the
beans
Use synonyms
 in large sacks. The sacks are transported by train or lorry and sent them the factory. Where the
beans
Use synonyms
 are roasted
on
Change preposition
at
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special
Correct article usage
a special
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 temperature.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the
beans
Use synonyms
 are crushed and
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
show examples
 shell
removed
Verb problem
is removed
show examples
. In the final
stage
Use synonyms
, the inner part
pressed
Verb problem
is pressed
show examples
 to produce liquid chocolate, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
subsequently
Linking Words
 delivered to supermarkets for sale, ready to use.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "subsequently".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stage, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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