IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Men are placed in the most high-level jobs. some people say that the government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women do you agree or disagree?

The government should reserve high-level
jobs
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
 can help to reduce gender inequality. The question is, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high-level
jobs
Use synonyms
 are
placed to be
Verb problem
reserved
show examples
 for
men
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some people believe the government should employ
women
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
this position
Fix the agreement mistake
these positions
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree that some of the
women
Use synonyms
 should work in
high level
Use the right word
high-level
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it is still
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mostly for
men
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss both views and give my opinion. First of all,
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 both have the same skills and qualifications
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 have fewer opportunities than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
.
Linking Words
moreover
Fix capitalization
Moreover
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,
women
Use synonyms
 face discrimination in leadership roles,
although
Linking Words
 they have equal skills to
men
Use synonyms
,
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however
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 fewer opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
, all high-level
jobs
Use synonyms
 are placed for
men
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 even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 are better than
men
Use synonyms
 in
qualifiacations
Correct your spelling
qualifications
 and skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the community there is unsatisfied
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some people who do not encourage a percentage of these
jobs
Use synonyms
 to be for
women
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.
Jobs
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 have to depend on merit, not gender
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, it might lead to unfair treatment of
men
Use synonyms
. The
men
Use synonyms
 are patient and can work under pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Saudi Arabia, the
high-leveljobs
Correct your spelling
high-level jobs
 used to be placed only for
men
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, nowadays, there are some
women
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
working in high positions. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I would argue that the government should reserve a percentage of high-level
jobs
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
 can help to offer fair opportunities for both of them. kim

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task response
Be clear in your view. Start with one simple line that shows your main idea. Then give two reasons and finish with a short end that repeats your view.
coherence
Use a simple plan. Put intro, two body parts, and a conclusion. Use the same idea in all parts.
coherence
Break long ideas into short sentences. Use link words like First, Also, But, In addition, Finally to connect ideas.
Fix grammar and spell words. Check
lexical
Use correct words like 'high level jobs' and 'men' not 'man'. Fix spelling like 'qualifications'.
examples
Give real or clear examples. If you name places, keep them simple and correct.
structure
The essay has a plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
content
It mentions places like UAE and Saudi Arabia.
analysis
It shows both sides before giving an opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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