Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? Whal action can be laken to prevent people from having this problem?

Nowadays, we are living in a highly materialistic society. Some people get into debt by purchasing unnecessary things they can't afford.
This
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is because they tend to believe that the more they have , the better they are , and what they have seems to be a measure of success.
This
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essay will discuss these causes and the possible solutions to change the
idea
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way
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we judge
others
Use synonyms
and learning about media literacy.
To begin
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with, we are living in a society of consumption. People have been told that they need more stuff in order to be happy.
Moreover
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, society puts
others
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at a higher level if they have a lot of money and possessions.
As a result
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,
this
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causes some of them to buy things they don't need , even though they have to get into debt.
Besides
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, there are two ways to solve the problems caused by materialism.
First,
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we need to change the way we judge other people from their possessions to their actions.
That is
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to say, it does not matter how much money, jewellery or cars they have. What matters is the way they act towards
others
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.
Next,
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folks need to learn more about media literacy. They should understand the purposes of advertisements, how they affect them.
Thus
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, they can analyse the information in advertisements and realise that they do not have to buy everything they want. In conclusion, some of them get into debt by buying things they don't need because they think that stuff can reflect their economic status or their success. The two solutions I think could reduce
this
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problem are changing the
idea
Check wording
way
show examples
we judge
others
Use synonyms
and knowing more about media literacy.

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improvement
Task response: The essay talks about causes and a fix, but it needs a clearer view and more strong ideas. Add a short final line that shows your clear opinion.
improvement
Coherence and cohesion: Use more link words. Start each para with a main idea. Use simple connectors like first, next, also, but, for example to join ideas.
strength
The plan is clear: causes then a fix.
strength
You show a real idea that media literacy can help people see ads and not buy all.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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