IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have a problem with a recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter: Describe the problem the new employee has caused Explain how other employees about the new employee’s conduct Say how you expect the HR manager to address the situation.

Dear Sir/Madam, Greetings for today I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter about my concern
in
Change preposition
about
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 one of my
team
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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. I am Kate from
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 department and
also
Linking Words
 the task Leader of the group.
Ms.
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Ms
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 Rita is a newly hired financial assistant in my
team
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 we welcome her
in
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on
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 her first day of work. Apparently, she is doing many things that
against
Verb problem
are against
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 the rules in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 workplace.
For instance
Linking Words
, she is always late for our meeting in the morning,
second
Add a comma
second,
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 she is not capable
finishing
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of finishing
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 her task before the deadline. And
lastly
Linking Words
, she
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not cooperate in activities that we need to do to improve our tasks.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, other
team
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
quite feel
Verb problem
find it
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 hard
being
Verb problem
to work
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 with her and
makes
Correct pronoun usage
this makes
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 our project more delayed. Other members tried to talk to her about
this
Linking Words
 matter, but she
don’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t
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 listen and
don’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t
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 make any improvement
and
Use the right word
any
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concerns
Fix the agreement mistake
concern
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 about it. I would like to ask
some
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for some
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 help from your
team
Use synonyms
 to handle
this
Linking Words
 situation. I believe that you can do something about it, for Rita to do her task and be responsible. I’m looking forward to
this
Linking Words
 and
wait
Use the right word
await
show examples
for
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apply
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your answer. Yours sincerely: Kate

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coherence and cohesion
The letter has many ideas in one paragraph. Break into separate parts: describe the problem, then how others feel, then what you want HR to do. Use a new paragraph for each point.
task response
The letter shows a clear aim to raise a problem and ask for help.
greeting and closing
It uses a formal greeting and closing.
coherence and cohesion
It states who is affected and how this delays work, helping HR see impact.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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