IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In our modern
life
Add a comma
life,
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 there are several things that have changed, one of these things is the place of
working
Replace the word
work
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.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that going far from your family and friends is a good
point
Check wording
thing
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, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that says working in another country or city is a drawback.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
Linking Words
 topic from both sides and express my opinion. On one hand, if you
work
Use synonyms
 away from your
relationships
Punctuation problem
relationships,
show examples
 it may be a good thing for you.
In other words
Linking Words
, when you
work
Use synonyms
 in another
country
Punctuation problem
country,
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 you will focus on your
work
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 overseas get
more
Correct word choice
a higher
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 salary compared with the salaries they get
in
Change preposition
at
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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home. To exemplify that, one of my friends works in GCC; his
work
Use synonyms
 is HR
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 he gets double the salary he was getting in his country.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 cannot stand living away from their community. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that life will be hard for
people
Use synonyms
 who are working abroad because many of them used to live with their parents and eat, have fun and talk with them;
however
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, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
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 they could not do these things.
Furthermore
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, there is an outbreak called HOMESICKNESS; many
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 get it when they move to
work
Use synonyms
 abroad. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that working away is something that depends on the person.

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content
Be clear about your view. Say if you think living far away is good or not.
content
Add more clear examples that show both good and bad things.
structure
Link ideas with simple joining words and keep ideas in order.
grammar
Fix grammar and spell common words correctly.
vocabulary
Use short, simple and true phrases; avoid long, tricky sentences.
grammar
Watch punctuation and capital use (for example, not all caps).
content
The essay starts with a clear idea and tries to discuss both sides.
coherence
An example from real life is used to support a point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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