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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates how male and female
staff
Use synonyms
 were distributed across the faculties of a major university in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the Engineering and Education faculties showed the greatest distinction between the proportions of male and female
staff
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the Medicine
faculty
Use synonyms
 had the smallest gap between male and female
staff
Use synonyms
 in 2012. In detail, the percentage of male
staff
Use synonyms
 in the Engineering
faculty
Use synonyms
 was the highest at over 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Both the Business and Science faculties had over 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of male
staff
Use synonyms
, which were the second and third highest, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of male
staff
Use synonyms
 in the Law
faculty
Use synonyms
 was 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, which was 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 higher than female
staff
Use synonyms
. The Education
faculty
Use synonyms
 showed the
second highest
Use the right word
second-highest
show examples
 gender disparity, with female
staff
Use synonyms
 accounting for over 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
staff
Use synonyms
 compared to approximately 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 male.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of female
staff
Use synonyms
 in the Arts
faculty
Use synonyms
 was over 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, which was 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 higher than their male counterparts.
Also
Linking Words
, the Medicine
faculty
Use synonyms
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar number of male and female
staff
Use synonyms
, but the female proportion was
slight
Replace the word
slightly
show examples
 higher than the male proportion.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words staff, faculty, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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