IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Employers have become an indispensable part of modern life. There has been a frequently discussed issue of whether personal information is crucial for occupations or whether it poses risks. I strongly agree that there are several beneficial effects of personal data.
This
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 essay will explore both viewpoints , supported by relevant examples and insights.
To begin
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 with, critics contend that exposing people to know their interests can potentially contribute to developing their personality, as if they can be active, socialist, or a leader. A study conducted at the University of Nizwa showed that almost all individuals who have adequate energy can work roughly twelve hours per day.
Consequently
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,
this
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 means personal info should be provided in any job.
In contrast
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, there is a growing preference among the population for rejecting public data, as experts and skills play a vital role in any work. The American Educational Association illustrated that approximately 65% of urban residents separated their personal information, and depend on certifications and CVs.
Furthermore
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, the outcomes are not limited only to citizens but
also
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 have a profound impact on society. A report survey indicated that experiences are more important to improve jobs than hobbies. In conclusion, every challenge carries within it the seeds of opportunity. By making wise choices and focusing on priorities, societies can turn difficulties into progress and build a brighter future.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and again in the conclusion, so the reader sees your stance fast and again at the end.
structure
Plan your essay before you write: one intro, two body paragraphs (one for each view), and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas connect, such as also, but, however, for example.
content
Give real, true examples that the reader can check and keep facts easy and clear; avoid fake names or fake studies.
style
Keep sentences short and clear; use common words and simple grammar to avoid confusion.
content
The essay tries to discuss both views.
structure
There is an introduction that states the topic and claim.
structure
A conclusion is included.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • team dynamics
  • organizational culture
  • work-life balance
  • collaborative environments
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • conscious or unconscious bias
  • privacy concerns
  • personal boundaries
  • professional abilities
  • skills, qualifications, and experience
  • legal and ethical considerations
  • divert attention
  • significant professional attributes
  • relevant to the job
What to do next:
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