IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

The bar graph below demonstrates
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
 five portions of fruit and vegetables by their gender in the UK
under
Change preposition
over
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
decade
Correct word choice
past decade
show examples
 from 2001.
In
Change preposition
Overall
show examples
overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the data is that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of women who ate five portions dominated all
year
Use synonyms
despite
Punctuation problem
, despite
show examples
 dropping in the latter
Use synonyms
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 children witnessed the
fewest
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
apart
Punctuation problem
, apart
show examples
 from the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of men
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second during the mentioned
years
Use synonyms
. In terms of the portion of women eating five portions of fruits and vegetables per day was 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the initial
year
Use synonyms
, they experienced
exponential
Correct article usage
an exponential
show examples
 upsurge in the
first
Use synonyms
 six
years
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 its
percentage
Use synonyms
 reached
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 culmination
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was around
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 third of the
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006. From that
Use synonyms
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
 their
percentage
Use synonyms
 gradually decreased and reached 30%. In regards to the trend
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
men
Check wording
men's
show examples
 and children’s bars, they remained constant in the
first
Use synonyms
 three
years
Use synonyms
. and has dramatically increased in the next
year
Use synonyms
. Between 2004 and
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
men’s
Check wording
the
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 went up
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
children's
Check wording
the
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 in the
first
Use synonyms
 two
years
Use synonyms
within
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 period slightly increased
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
 it rapidly rose. From 2006 to 2008
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 on
men were
Correct word order
were men
show examples
gradually
Verb problem
was gradually
show examples
 decreasing
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
children’s
Check wording
the
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 hurriedly increased
in
Rephrase
rapidly in
show examples
 the
first
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 and
slowly
Rephrase
then slowly
show examples
 dropped
last
Linking Words
 two
years
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, percentage, year, years, first with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend analysis
  • Significant fluctuation
  • Dietary habits
  • Public health campaign
  • Demographic breakdown
  • Socio-economic status
  • Predictive suggestions
  • Consumption rates
  • Dietary guidelines
  • Technological advancements
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